A New Weapon
by SinisterRiff
Summary: My First Fan Fiction, basically dont hate. This is a story about my opinion of the origins of Pyro and who/what he really is. If you think Pyro is a woman, you are probably wasting your time reading this.
1. Chapter 1

**Explanations**

It was merely minutes ago. I had set up fortifications on the control point…

"Spy sappin' my teleporter!" I yelled.

"Meeeediiic!" someone called.

"Put dispenser here!" said another.

Explosions resonated throughout the battlefield. My sentry gallantly defended our last control point and my dispenser offered comfort to those who were wounded. You couldn't see the floor through Demoman's sticky bombs and you could practically feel the tension in the air as though it were a- "Spy," I exclaimed. My wrench whistled through the air and collided with a spy's head. His brains spilled out across the ground and blood spattered my sentry. I felt like celebrating, but there would be time for that later. A Heavy burst onto the control point probably breaking record speed (for a Heavy that is). Time seemed to slow down. My hand grasped the Wrangler at my side. I wielded it like a gun and positioned it facing the Heavy. Poised to strike. "How 'bout a taste of some southern hospitality?" I asked with a sly grin. In the matter of seconds it took the Heavy's inferior mind to process the blatant reference to my wrench, my sentry had already unleashed a burst of bullets that had already torn through his torso and cracked into his skull. "How'd that plan work out for ya dummy?"

I was on the verge of celebrating my good work again when Soldier limped to my dispenser, badly wounded. I said, "That dispenser isn't gonna help you in that condition. C'mon let's get you to medic!" Coincidently you happened to be walking towards the point. I waved you over and unfortunately turned my back on 'Soldier'. Luckily it was at that time that you happened to notice Soldier was wielding a butterfly knife and was starting to shimmer a cold BLU color. Your facial expression turned dark. I wondered why so I turned around just in time to see a Spy perched over me like some sort of sick vulture wielding the knife that would have sank into my back delivering a swift painless death had you not acted sooner. A sickening spattering noise rang through my ears as many syringes plunged into the Spy's neck. His body went limp and crumpled to the ground. Then what I assumed to be the real Soldier limped to the control point. Fresh blood gushed from his leg with every step he took. Just by looking I could tell his nose and left arm were broken and I was sure that there were more injuries to note that just weren't visible. That's when you recommended we bring him back to the lab, and seeing him in that state I just couldn't argue. "So here we stand and I can't help but ask, what now?" I inquire.

"Let's go practice medicine." Medic replied.

We entered a cramped laboratory that doubled as an operating room. It was littered with small lethal lookin' instruments whose purpose varied from slicing, grinding, parting, disintegrating and other unsightly tasks. Medic laid Soldier down on the table. "Can we fix him doc?" I ask.

"Well we can try but our chances are slim," said Medic. After a long stare at Soldier's chest Medic finally concluded, "Umm well his heart seems to have stopped but I have a device that might just do the trick." Medic banged open the door to a nearby refrigerator and I almost lost my breath. The fridge was very plain and ordinary but the contents kept inside it were what caught my eye. Inside the fridge was a vast array of various body parts, blood stained surgical tools, devices which I could not name, and the most surprising thing. A Spy's head (BLU of course). Medic reached onto the top shelf and retrieved an odd looking device. It was shaped like a half circle. On the curved side, which I assumed to be the top of the device, were three cylinders and a small pressure regulator. On the flat side, which based on my previous statement would have to be the bottom of the device, were three needles of which I could not deduce the purpose of. "Yes," Medic exclaimed, "This should do very nicely."

"Umm, what exactly is that doo-hickey you got there doc?" I questioned.

"Oh this?" said Medic. "This is a device that will give a heart a certain, well how do I put this, tolerance to high voltages COURSEING THROUGH ITS VEINS AND ARTERIES! Oh, eh, sorry about that I guess I got a little excited for a moment there. It is supposed to enable the heart to withstand the voltages of my MediGun. It's just that the thing is, I have never been able to test this device before," explained Medic, "due to the fact that unfortunately you people are very good at staying alive." Medic said in a rather irritated tone under his breath. "And that's why I have been waiting for a moment like this to come!"

"What moment would that be doc?"

"Well for one of you people to _die_ of course!" Medic said with much enthusiasm. "And now the day has finally come! Now let's begin the procedures."


	2. Practicing Medicine

**Practicing Medicine**

We walked over the table were Soldier was lying. "We are going to need access to his heart… hold this." Medic hands me the device with no name. He produced a large knife from his coat pocket. The knife cut through the skin like a sentry takes down medics… with ease. Medic reached his hands into the crack that he had made along Soldier's chest and pulled them in opposite directions. There was a blood curdling cracking sound when Soldier's ribcage split open, revealing his organs and spilling blood. I almost felt sorry for the fellow when I remembered he was already dead. Suddenly a beautiful white dove flew across the room and landed in Soldier's gore. It hummed affectionately and looked up at Medic as if waiting for praise. "Archimedes! No! It's filthy in there!" Medic shouted. The dove emerged from the guts and flew away with grace, despite the fact that its vibrant white feathers were spattered with blood.

Suddenly Medic thrust his fist into the chest cavity. His hand returned grasping a soaked heart. "Hand me that device I gave you a minute ago" He instructed. I obeyed. Medic jammed the device into the heart prongs first. They swiftly sunk into the soft flesh of the heart. The device started to beep. The heart grew larger. The valves on the device glowed red and the pressure gauge rocketed to the highest pressure indicator. The heart was very much bloated now, and Medic had begun laughing maniacally… Just like _that _the heart burst splattering Medic's lab coat in blood. "Well that turned out well!" Medic said with an obvious hint of sarcasm in his voice. He turned back to the fridge and selected an unusually large heart lying in a dish marked "Mega Baboon". "If Soldier's heart could almost withstand that voltage, than a Mega Baboon heart definitely can!"

The process was repeated but this time the heart did not burst but it did stay in its bloated state. "Marvelous!" he exclaimed. "This is going to be better than I imagined!" He gingerly placed the heart back into the cavity, with the device still attached. "Hey doc." I say.

"Yeah."

"How will we get his chest back together?"

"You will see."

Medic aimed his MediGun at Soldier's chest and put it on full power. "WAIT!" I yell. "What about his other organs. Were they damaged at all?"

"Umm well his lungs are going to need a lot of work but we'll get to that later I suppose," he replied, "the rest of his organs remained intact, including his vocal chords, which only suffered minor damage (thank god) those are a real pain to deal with. His heart was the only thing that needed replacing for obvious reasons."

He activated the MediGun beam. It swallowed up Soldier's body. Making it appear that it was glowing Red. Within seconds Soldier's chest was pulled back together. It looked like it was never damaged before. "Excellent! Now that we have improved the heart he will be back to doing his usual Soldier business in no time!" Medic said with glee. "The next thing we have to do is repair his arms." I looked at Soldier's arms. They were twisted and mangled in very unnatural positions. "Unfortunately we will not be able to replace Soldier's arms with new until one of our counterparts manages to get himself killed," Medic explained, "And I know that isn't going to happen anytime soon so if you have any bright ideas shout them out."

"I might have one." I said.

"Oh yeah? Let's hear it."

"Well you see I may not have any skills in the medical field but I do know a darn thing or two about engineering. What I am suggesting is, is that instead of replacing the arms with real ones why not use robotic arms?"

"That's a marvelous idea!" Medic shouted exuberantly.

"Yes I was hoping you'd agree. Because I have much bigger plans than just to make him a better Soldier," I said with as much suspense that I could muster.

"What do you mean?" Medic asked

"After I'm done with him, he's gonna be much more that a soldier. I'm gonna make him into a new weapon."

"Might I inquire what that weapon is exactly?" asked Medic.

"Well let's just say that the BLU spy's are gonna be scared outa' their britches when they see our creation!" I said.


	3. Devious Devices

**Devious Devices**

I had crafted two robotic arms, a right and a left. Once the arms were attached the wearer would be able to eject a highly flammable gas from one and a burst of flame from the other. If the wearer put the heels of his hands together and ejected the gas and the flame at the same time, he could create a very large fireball that could dish out a lot of damage but travel for a very limited range. "What do you want me to do?" said Medic.

"Well you are the surgeon so do ya think you could find a way to put the arms on?"

"I'm feeling rather skeptical about it but all try."

"Alrighty then!" I replied with enthusiasm.

I could practically see the beads of sweat forming on Medic's forehead as he tried to sew the arm on. The needle slipped. "RAHH! I cannot believe I am unable to do such a simplistic operation!" yelled Medic.

"You just ain't doin' it right" I say.

I take the arms and with a simple welding tool, I attach the arms to the metal rings I had placed inside the shoulders with ease. The Medic stood there awestruck. "I cannot believe I was outdone by an uneducated Texan!"

"You better watch your mouth there bud, before I am forced to tear you a structurally superfluous new behind!" I counter. After a long pause I ask "so what is left to do now doc?"

"Well he suffered severe brain damage so we will have to either make serious modifications or replace it with another brain altogether. And my supply of brains happens to be limited." said Medic.

"What I think would be best is a balance between replacement and mixture. What I mean by that is we take some of the Soldier's brain and inject it into the spy's brain you happen to keep in the fridge. Then we take out the old and damaged Soldier brain and replace it with the enhanced spy brain. This way he will have the speed and cunning of a spy and the battle hardened spirit of a Soldier. The only thing is, is that I have no idea of how to so this so basically you would be left doing all of the work." I took a long breath. Medic appeared to be considering the conundrum I had placed into his mind.

Medic seemed to light up as a flamboyant grin crossed his face. "Yes! In fact that would work fantastically. I will begin procedures immediately!"

Medic made an incision around the circumference of Soldier's head. He handed me the cranium that was now separated from the rest of the head." Hold this." A needle was plunged into the brain and quickly became filled with a fine red liquid. Medic moved towards the fridge and removed the spy head. "Your time has come." Medic muttered. In a matter of seconds I became very confused.

"What?"

"Oh nothing." Medic replied after a pause. Indicating that he was probably lying.

Then Medic pulled out the knife he used to cut Soldier's head. Then to my utmost amazement, the spy's eyes looked up into Medic's face. "Thank you." It said weakly. Medic made the cut and the spy's eyes went blank and lost focus. He injected the liquid from Soldier's brain into the spy's and with expert caution, and laid the new and improved brain back into the skull. "Hand me the cranium" Medic instructed. I did so, and he swiftly sewed it back onto the head. "VIOLA! The new brain has now been created and placed into our monstrosity!" exclaimed Medic with and air of accomplishment. We allowed ourselves a few minutes of celebration but there was still work to be done.

Now we had to deal with the lungs. After a long debate we decided that the most efficient way to make the lungs work effectively would be to craft a mask that would filter contaminated air around him and also to create a type of casing to go over the lungs that would act as muscles to contract and open the lungs. The mask we crafted greatly resembled a gas mask, which we found to be very appropriate. It was made out of a fire proof material. It would have to be fused to the head of our creation to ensure top notch efficiency. The lung muscle prototype I designed myself. Using basic mechanics mixed with more complex engineering, I was able to design a contraption, technically two, that would act as muscles to assist the lungs with contracting and opening. With Medic's great knowledge in all aspects of the medical field, we were able to attach both of the devices in what seemed to be no time at all. As an extra precaution we added an oxygen tank to the creation's back. The tank had a thin tube extending from the bottom of it that was inserted into a small hole in the creation's back. Through the hole the tube made its way directly into the creation's lungs. If all of the other devices fail, (which would be highly unlikely), this oxygen tank would keep him alive for a limited amount of time. At least enough to find Medic and I and receive assistance.


	4. No Naked Men Allowed

**No Naked Men Allowed**

"What shall we clothe him in?" Medic looked around the room. "I don't have anything that would be useful to him in here."

"I'm sure I could make something"

We took our creation to my 'work area' which is really just a jumbled mess of random blueprints for things administration would _never _authorize the creation of, and various building essentials scattered haphazardly throughout the room. Multiple boxes or cases could be seen practically vomiting up different types of tools used for all sorts of tasks. I was able to find an old RED fire retardant jumpsuit. "This should work perfectly! Here try it on!" I held the suit out towards the creation. "Oh right, he's dead. Heh heh." Medic helped me slip the suit onto him. "It is a small bit bulky but it will work." Medic said with enthusiasm. I was glad he was anticipating success as much as I was. Once this creation is finished, my spy problem will be solved. We gave the creation some old rain boots we found in storage and put the pant legs over them. "What will he wear on his hands?" Medic asked, obviously concerned. Taking into consideration what the creation was going to be dealing with I became a little concerned myself. "I've got it!" I exclaimed. I took the glove on my left hand off and placed it on the creation's left hand. It fit well. Medic looked puzzled, "Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yeah, it's no problem. That glove never matched the one on my right anyways. And I've always preferred the color yellow." I replied. Medic started to leave the room. "Wait, where are you going?" Medic turned around.

"I might have a glove to match that one."

Medic returned with a black glove that matched mine exactly. "This used to be mine but (of course) I preferred the color RED." Medic explained. He slipped the glove onto the creation's hand. Another perfect fit. We stood there silently observing him. He was unusually intimidating. Something about the mask made him rather mysterious. I chuckled to myself. I'm already scared and he's not even alive, yet.


	5. Intimidation at Its Best

**Intimidation at Its Best**

Miss Pauling strode up to her boss. An aging wrinkled woman. As if having a serious smoking addiction didn't make Helen unapproachable enough she was also the head of administration. Although exceedingly intimidating, Miss Pauling walked up to her with clipboard in hand and a smile on her face. "You called for me Helen?" Everything went silent and the Administrator' chair swiveled around to face Miss Pauling.

"Didn't I tell you specifically NOT to call me by that name Miss Pauling?"

"Yes Ma'am. Sorry Ma'am." The Administrator's lips curled into a cold frown.

"Don't let it happen again Miss Pauling. Anyways back to business," she said in a brisk tone, "Engineer and Medic are almost finished with that monstrosity they have been creating. I want you to get down to RED Team's base and figure out what they plan to do with it."

"Yes Ma' am, right away Ma'am." And with that Miss Pauling was gone, taking with her the only things she possessed. The clothes on her back, a clipboard, and a small pink purse decorated with small yellow flowers of which she loved dearly.


	6. Results

**Results**

We strapped our creation down under the MediGun. "A good, quick UberCharge should give his brain a sort of jumpstart. Once his brain is operational, it should send signals to the rest of his vital organs to 'wake up' in a sense and he should be good to go from there." Medic explained jovially. "Wait," I interjected, "will he even be able to talk? Is he going to be like a newborn baby?"

"No and Yes. He will be able to talk and will have immense strength, but will have no knowledge of anything but fighting, considering his brain was crafted purely from cold blooded predators. He will be mentally insane for the most part and all he will want to do is kill, which is good since he is on our side. He will also be like a baby in the sense that the people he will 'love' most will be you and I because we will be the first people he will see and also the only people to help 'raise' him." Medic looked sad. "He won't really even be human…" After a long pause Medic turned on the MediGun. We observed the Uber meter. Once the needle was at the highest point of charge Medic flipped the switch. The RED beam danced like flames towards the creation's body. The beam made contact with his chest. His whole body shook and started to glow RED. The glowing suddenly became severe, we shielded our eyes. Silence. We peeked out from behind our hands to see our creation lying still on the table, looking as lifeless as usual. We hung our heads, less than ready to accept defeat when a slight movement caught my eye. I looked up. Could it be? His chest rose, then fell, then rose again, then fell again. His eyes shot open, still glowing from the UberCharge. I was filled with a sense of joy so powerful I almost giggled like a girl. I looked over at Medic, who appeared to be feeling the same sense of joy that I was. We just stood there staring at each other, and then at the creation, and back. "YES! WE DID IT!" we screamed simultaneously. I joined Medic in a maniacal laugh. "!" I was dancing and Medic was playing his amputation tool like a violin.

A knock on the door rudely interrupted our celebration. What now? I thought as I walked towards the door. It was probably Heavy coming to yell at us about the noise or something of the sort. I opened the door and found just that. The massive man towered above me. He looked towards Medic, "What was noise?" he said in a thick Russian accent.

"The sound of progress my friend."

"There is leetle baby woman here to see you." Heavy said. To my surprise Miss Pauling from administration appeared from behind Heavy. Medic looked at her. "Yes come in and view our marvelous work of art!" Heavy tunred and left the doorway and I escorted her to our creation. The creation turned his head towards Miss Pauling with blinding speed. His breathing became faster. "You'd be smart to stand back Miss Pauling." I said. I didn't know why he seemed so angry to see her. "Medic, why don't we take him into The Room." I said slowly. The Room was a place where Medic took wounded people who had become mentally insane. He could safely view them from outside of the room using a one way mirror. "Follow us Miss Pauling" I helped Medic unstrap him. Shakily, he sat up. "It's okay," Medic explained, "we're friends." The creation said something but it was muffled by the mask. His head turned towards Miss Pauling. "Yeah, she's a friend too partner." I said putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. With lightning speed his hand reached out and snatched Miss Pauling's purse.

Where am I? Who are these strange people? Obviously they are friends but _who_ are they? What is this? A small pink bag was in my hands. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And I must protect it at all costs. Why does this woman want it! No, she can't have it! Where are they taking me? This room is bright and the man in the lab coat is standing next to me. I find a pocket in my clothes and hide the purse in it. He leaves and the short man with the odd voice enters. He lays down a bunch of peculiar looking items at my feet and leaves as soon as he came. A long slender item for which I could place no name, a sledgehammer, and a shotgun. I took the long one in my hands. It was balanced well, and it was lightweight. A thin device protruded from the bottom of the handle. The word trigger came to mind. I put a small amount of pressure on the trigger. Suddenly, the room was lit up with a bright burst of light and the temperature seemed to rise. Fire. That was the name. I decided I liked fire very much. It was warm and provided light. I pulled the trigger to its full extent and a marvelous jet of flame shot out of the front end of the weapon. I felt immensely powerful, dancing around the room with the flames. I shook the weapon in the air and let out a ferocious battle cry. It was at that moment when I decided I never wanted the weapon to leave my side.

He blissfully danced around the room, entangling himself in flames. "Do you want me to retrieve your purse Miss Pauling?" Medic asked with sincerity. Miss Pauling turned towards him.

"No it's okay. He can have it. He seems to like it even more than I do. Besides it makes him happy."

"Excellent," Medic turned towards me, "what shall we call him?" I paused for a moment before speaking.

"Pyro."


End file.
